Kicked Out Anthology

Kicked Out: New York Release from Samantha Stark on Vimeo.

Samantha Stark of Dirty Hands New York was at the NYC release for Kicked Out and has just put up a fantastic article & video that talks about the Kicked Out anthology including excerpts from my own story, as well as an interview conducted the night of the reading which focuses on the inspiration behind the book! Samantha took video and conducted interviews from all the Kicked Out contributors participating that night so expect more fantastic things from her soon!

-Sassafras

For the next couple of months we will be featuring a weekly post by different Kicked Out Anthology contributors. Each will be answering five questions about their experiences around being forced to leave their parents homes, involvement with the anthology, and what they hope the LGBT community, and the world will take away from reading this book.

Angie Guerra

1. What has being kicked out meant for you?
Being kicked out, meant I had to be strong.  I had to keep on.  I don’t think I ever realized just how much it effected my life.  It was just something that was.  I approached it (being kicked out) as something that happened, and now I had to turn the corner.  It was a series of what’s next, now what do I do to survive?  I built a network of people who could help me and I moved forward.

2. What role has art & writing played in your life, and how do you see that as part of community building?
N/A

3. What has being part of the Kicked Out anthology meant to you?
Being a part of the Kicked Out anthology meant a chance to deal with the emotions that I had been suppressing for my entire adult life.  Although my story is different than most, as my family and I have reconciled, we’ve never really talked about “that time”.  I realized I was extremely hurt and angry and holding onto that pain.  Through each editing process, I grieved, I cried and proceeded to cry some more.  I didn’t want to tell my parents I was participating in this book, but then I realized it was “our” story.  It was our truth.  The more I shared with other people, the more they shared their stories.  It was a very healing process, and it amazed me the number of people who share our commonality.

4. What are three things people don’t realize about being kicked out?
I think that being kicked out of your home affects your overall self-esteem.  I think you spend your life searching for stability, safety and comfort because it was taken away from you when you needed it most.  Being kicked out can help you become a stronger more caring person or it can turn you into a victim.  It’s interesting to see what road we all take.

5. What is one message about homeless LGBTQ youth you hope people take away from reading Kicked Out?
There are far too many LGBTQ people who share this story.  Life is hard enough, and families should love each other unconditionally.  We’re all we’ve got.

please click the above link to be taken to a gallery of photos from the NYC release event

It’s hard to believe that the NYC release of Kicked Out was a week ago. I meant to have this post up sooner, but the words to express what an incredible evening it was took considerably longer than expected for me to find.  Before I go any further I really want to thank The Center for being our hosts for the evening, Jimmi Sweet of Big City Baby  photography who took incredible photos of the evening, and all of the local contributors who participated.

When I talk about Kicked Out publically one of the things I frequently reference is the initial birth of the book, the way that I first conceptualized of it at 17 in a public library desperate for words, for queer words that could tell me that I wasn’t alone- that there were others LGBTQ youth out there who had lost everything. That day, in that library I didn’t find what I was looking for.  I vowed to myself if I made it, I was going to create a book so that no other queer kid would ever feel alone—- it was impossible for me at that point to even imagine that my little dream could with the help of so many become something as incredible as this book.

I knew that the NYC release was going to be intense, but honestly I don’t think I understood how overwhelming it would be release this book in my home city with contributor Sam Box’s hauntingly beautiful photographs surrounding us, and sharing the stage with five other incredible contributors to the book. I’m so humbled that this book is real and in peoples hands, bookshelves, and backpacks. For whatever reason it didn’t really feel like Kicked Out was real and out in the world until last Friday.

It is not an exaggeration to say that there wasn’t a dry eye in the house that night (a few folks even joked that we should try to get a corporate sponsor to supply individual packets to klenex under each chair for future events).  But the event wasn’t all sadness and loss. Like Kicked Out, the NYC release was also about strength,  and survival, and of created families.

Last week before the event,  I began getting emails from people whose lives have already been touched by the book, people who found a bit of community, of hope, and healing within these pages.  Speaking on behalf of myself and all the other contributors, Kicked Out has always been more than just paper and bindings to us. It is our commitment that no other queer kid will ever feel alone after loosing home and family.  It’s overwhelming to realize that in the few short weeks this book has been out in the world that it’s already touched peoples lives.

Over the past couple of weeks of the news being saturated with stories of prom and like most LGBTQ people I know I’ve been following all of it. As always my brain has been filled with thoughts on the epidemic of LGBTQ youth homelessness and I’d been thinking a about ways to tie these issues together, like how discrimination in schools goes beyond refusal to allow students to attend prom with a queer date. I’m devastated that an explicit connection was made for me.  As you may have already heard, news broke today that Derrick Martin the high school senior in Georgia whose school had ruled students could bring a date of any gender after the conflict in Mississippi was thrown out of his home by his parents and for now is staying with a friend.

I know intimately what Derrick is going through tonight. Eight years ago I was sleeping at a friends house because I had nowhere to go because I’m queer. Every contributor to Kicked Out knows the devastating feeling of loosing your home and family because of who you are.  Overnight Derrick has become part of an epidemic of homelessness that impacts youth in every community across the country stretching across boundaries of race, class, religion, ethnicity, ability, and geographic region. There have been offers from all over the country of LGBT people (and allies) offering to buy limos and tuxes for the prom. My hope is that this community will rally together to offer Derrik the financial and emotional support he’s going to need not just for prom, but in the long term.

It’s fun and easy for our community to come together and throw money on throwing a grand party (and honestly is there a better party than prom?) but putting money towards improving the lives of the nearly 40% of homeless youth who identify as LGBTQ can make the difference between life and death. These are some of our communities most vulnerable members and the need all the help they can get.

Dear Derrick
I’m going to say to you what I open Kicked Out with— “I’m not going to tell you that everything is going to be okay. I am going to tell you that you are not alone.”  Please know that you are part of an extended kicked out family who is here for you as a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. We are here to support you today, and for years to come because we all understand that the aftermath of being kicked out extends.

For the next couple of months we will be featuring a weekly post by different Kicked Out Anthology contributors. Each will be answering five questions about their experiences around being forced to leave their parents homes, involvement with the anthology, and what they hope the LGBT community, and the world will take away from reading this book.

EF Schraeder

1. What has being kicked out meant for you?
In an instant, being kicked out defined my possibilities by forcing me to answer this question: do I want to be true to myself, or do I want to seek my family’s approval?  Being kicked out was an initiation into developing a family of choice, which is something I continue to work on in life.  I wrote the piece in this anthology to identify the realities of the riddles that result when you are expected to choose between your family and your life.   Choosing to live honestly certainly presented me with opportunities for growth, but also difficult challenges, mostly of the economic variety.  The personal freedoms of the journey didn’t come without a cost.  Being kicked out snapped me into a reality where many of the things people with a supportive family take for granted vanished – I had no “back up” plan, no safety net. And I was relatively lucky, in that I had a friend who literally took me in totally unannounced, unhinged, and unprepared.  So, being kicked out also helped me realize the role of luck in life, sensitizing me to a myriad of realities and risks: the inherent vulnerability of the human predicament . . .   I coped by exercising some tight discipline and self-restraint in my life choices.  At this point, I see that overnight indoctrination into adulthood may have served me well, but I know there are hundreds of other youth who may not have that reliable friend to call on to help them find their feet.  That’s why this book is so significant- hopefully it’s a call to action as much as an awareness raiser and a source of support so future youth feel less isolated.

2. What role has art & writing played in your life, and how do you see that as part of community building?
Writing has been a necessity in my life- giving voice to experiences, observations, questions, etc. provided me with an outlet when I was beset by contradictions, hypocrisy, and confusion.  Yet as profoundly personal as it can be, writing can also be a deeply social experience.  I was fortunate to attend college (period) at a time when lesbian, queer, and feminist writers seemed everywhere.  Attending readings by authors like Minnie Bruce Pratt, Robin Becker, Chrystos, Eileen Myles, and others was quite literally like an intellectual and emotional lifeline.  Sure, in some regards I wish I would’ve spent more time (or more accurately, I wish I had had more time) actually interacting with those writers as people, their work along with the work of so many queers/lesbians/feminists stood out and remained amazingly central in my life, so I believe deeply in the potential of a sort of abstract community to exist in the lives that writers and artists touch with their work.

3. What has being part of the Kicked Out anthology meant to you?
Being a part of this anthology is tremendously meaningful- for the first time in all these years,  I gained some perspective on really how impacted my life was by the strange, fast expulsion from my home.  Kicked Out creates space to acknowledge what this has meant, but also gives voice to those too often silenced stories.  I hope the project adds some strands to the safety net for other youth who are kicked out (or people who know them, love them, work with them, etc.).  Knowing you aren’t alone, knowing where to look for help, knowing there are resources can make a huge difference, and I’m really honored to be a part of the book and tremendously inspired by Sassafras’ commitment and dedication in bringing the anthology to life.

4. What are three things people don’t realize about being kicked out?
wow- big question.
- it happens to all sorts of youth in all sorts of families (I thought my family was pretty progressive- I never would’ve expected what happened)
-it creates little mini adults, whether ready or not, who still need support and direction
-it’s obvious that the risk factors skyrocket for youth who are kicked out, but risks and statistics about the horror show of the world aside, there is a human side that matters most.  That’s why so many of us see this book as a call to action and solidarity.

5. What is one message about homeless LGBTQ youth you hope people take away from reading Kicked Out?
This is something that impacts the whole community, and supporting LGBTQ youth is a necessity.  A central message I hope people will take away from the book is also that we are a resilient lot, but we still need to grow support networks.  Despite the sadness, loss, and pain embedded in many of our stories, these are not tragedies – they are success stories, against the odds survival stories.  These are the stories told by those of us still standing- what we need to figure out is how to strengthen the webs in our communities to allow fewer  and fewer youth to slip away unprotected.

I’m still in awe of how incredible last night’s NYC release at  of Kicked Out at The Center was.  Those of you who plan events know that sometimes all the chaos ahead of time pays off and suddenly things flow seamlessly…. this was one of those nights.  I can honestly say that there isn’t one thing that I wish I could go back and change.

I have a longer and more coherant post planned for in a few days, but for now I just wanted to offer a huge thankyou to all of the contributors who were part of the festivites, The Center for hosting us, and the nearly 70 people who came out to support the release of this anthology, and the importance of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth telling our stories.

Tenzin

1. What has being kicked out meant for you?

Living on the streets has altered me as a person.  The fear of being homeless again persists, as does a sense of otherness.  Because I have seen things that others have difficulty imagining, I have difficulty relating to other people and anticipate violence in even benign environments.  Being visibly discarded and living as a member of the most disposable group of people marked me and made me more empathetic towards others.  I doubt I would be a Buddhist monk now if it wasn’t for seeing people beaten, raped, shot, and stabbed.  I think I gravitated towards a spiritual vocation that was antithetical to what I lived on the streets because of a deep understanding of personal and vicarious suffering.

2. What role has art & writing played in your life, and how do you see that as part of community building?
Writing helped me explore salient topics from my life and those I care about such as PTSD, LGBTQ issues, the AIDS epidemic, hate crimes, and the psychology of neo-nazis.  Creating disturbing (and untalented) art depicting dismembered organs with eyes and faces, skeletal parts, and ghosts was cathartic and symbolized the ways in which the bodies and psyches of those I grew up with were eviscerated, pulverized and rearranged into interesting new configurations.  Both creating and consuming works of art and literature helped me feel a sense of community with people who had also seen a different side of existence.  It was comforting to know others were out there even if they were deceased. I recognized survivors of trauma by what they created.  The works of Dickens, Palahniuk, and Bosch resonated deeply.

3. What has being part of the Kicked Out anthology meant to you?

Being part of the Kicked Out anthology has been an invaluable experience because it provided the opportunity to write about experiences that I normally expend much energy suppressing.  I felt a sense of solidarity and affinity with the other queer people involved in Kicked Out even though I never met them. I was heartened by their strength and courage to come out in such a public way as both queer and former homeless people.  Knowing that others also survived was inspiring.  The plight of homeless youth had largely left the public consciousness and I am grateful that I participated in such a wonderful project that tells our stories and raises awareness of homelessness among queer youth.

4. What are three things people don’t realize about being kicked out?

1)  If you are young, queer and homeless, you are frequently invisible to others or blamed for being where you are.  Those who do see you often want to exploit, assault, or kill you.  You are the ultimate disposable person if your parents didn’t even care enough to safeguard your life and society denies civil rights to even affluent queer people.

2)  You have to change who you are to survive on the street. My heroes were Gandhi, St. Francis of Assisi, and Martin Luther King, Jr. before I was on the streets.  I considered myself a pacifist until I encountered neo-nazi skinheads and others who would harm us just for being alive and different.  Certain ideals become luxuries in volatile environments. I relinquished my pacifism and much of my faith in people to survive. Engaging even in justified violence changed who I am.

3)  You always remember the kindness of those who took the time to show they cared about you when you were in a desperate situation.  I always remember the food, love, and shelter provided by friends and strangers.

5. What is one message about homeless LGBTQ youth you hope people take away from reading Kicked Out?

While much of the public discussion of LGBTQ rights is focused on the debate around gay marriage, other issues that profoundly affect LGBTQ people are often ignored.  The elevated rate of homelessness, suicide, homicide and hate crimes against LGBTQ people is still largely unknown. The Kicked Out Anthology will illuminate the ways in which LGBTQ youth are often discarded, disenfranchised, and literally disposed of by their parents and the larger dominant culture.  Many of these LGBTQ kids never even get the chance to grow up, fall in love, and be deprived of their right to marry and adopt children.

It is strange that the right of LGBTQ people to fully participate as equal citizens is challenged in a democratic nation founded on the principles of equality, liberty, freedom of religion, and separation of church and state.  It is even stranger that so much antipathy is directed towards queer people based on religious beliefs derived from a tradition that tells its followers to “love your neighbor as yourself.”

One thing I would like people to remember is that the same forces who seek to deprive LGBTQ citizens of their right to marry and be protected from discrimination also foment an antipathy towards queer people so profound that parents often literally throw their kids away when they come out as queer.  This same antipathy encourages hate crimes directed against those even perceived to be queer.  The intersection of queer identity and homelessness can be a psyche-shattering experience and a death sentence.  Queer kids are still out there on the streets.  Please don’t forget to include them in the struggle for equality.

Readings by Kicked Out Editor Sassafras Lowrey & Contributors Lucky Michaels,
Ksen Pallegedara, Kestryl Cael, and Kay Barrett

Friday March 19th 7pm @

The Center 208 West 13th Street

Room 310

For the next couple of months we will be featuring a weekly post by different Kicked Out Anthology contributors. Each will be answering five questions about their experiences around being forced to leave their parents homes, involvement with the anthology, and what they hope the LGBT community, and the world will take away from reading this book.

For the next couple of months we will be featuring a weekly post by different Kicked Out Anthology contributors. Each will be answering five questions about their experiences around being forced to leave their parents homes, involvement with the anthology, and what they hope the LGBT community, and the world will take away from reading this book.

Philip J. Reeves

1. What has being kicked out meant for you?
I find that my experiences, especially my kicked out experience, have not only helped shape my life, but been a struggle to analyse as well. Figuring out what happened in those few moments and the life time that lead up to them has been the challenge of my life, and taken a lot of my emotional energy.  The hardest thing was trying to conquer the victim mentality that has the potential to shade out reality and cause me to ignore other peoples’ stories. One thing special about this book is that it puts our narratives in perspective and helps give a sense of how important our stories are to us, and the need for someone to hear them. I have to say that although I did not anticipate the events of my life, I have enjoyed the ride and the discovery they have brought with them.

2. What role has art & writing played in your life, and how do you see that as part of community building?
Reading other autobiographical narratives and seeing bits of my story played out in movies has given me an overwhelming feeling of camaraderie with my fellow human beings. Reading someone’s story, or seeing an adaptation of life on film helps me put my life into focus.  Listening to others and trying to see life through their eyes has changed the way I perceive the world.

3. What has being part of the Kicked Out anthology meant to you?
The anthology has really helped humble me and make me yearn for social change. If anything our stories teach it should be that our stories should not exist. The people in this country who claim to care most about their families should read this and maybe they would realize that families are what you make them to be. Whether you were born into a family or found one by chance in life, the relationships take work.  No relationship can work unless the parties listen to each other. You cannot tell your children, or anyone, that you love them, while at the same time telling them they need to change a part of their identity. “I love you,” and, “You are going to hell,” cannot coexist in a relationship. I really hope the message these stories are sending makes it to the people who need to hear it the most. Our stories should be warning to questioning parents who read. I hope we can be the admonishing Christmas Spirits to those Scrooges who need to know what they are missing out on.

4. What are three things people don’t realize about being kicked out?
One: Being kicked out is often a lot more complicated than simply being shown the door. Often parents don’t even know when they are kicking their children out. It is so ingrained in their minds that their children, no matter what age, do as their told. Sometimes people cannot simply follow orders or take the logical choice in an ultimatum, the one that involves food and shelter, people need to know they are loved as they are and that they are wanted somewhere.  When a child finally realizes that they are not wanted the way they are, and they realize they cannot change, the relationship is over. It doesn’t matter if there never comes a physical estrangement, their minds, hearts, and souls will always be the prodigal child with no hope to return.

Two: Sometimes you have to get kicked out more than once and it takes a lot of strength. After being kicked out the longing for family and the need to feel you belong can be crushing and overwhelming. LGBT youth experience similar emotions as battered women. Children will take a huge amount of abuse and for a long time, and it will build up. Parents are lucky when their children just disappear in the night, instead of winding up dead. We all escaped alive, if barely so, but many never make it out. Love your children while you can.

Three: Finding a new family is hard, but rewarding. My gay dad and I had a very difficult time at first. The community didn’t like us and people didn’t understand that even though I was a bit older I still wanted someone to love me as a parent. Love is hard though. It takes a lot of work. The work brings joy though and the rewards are great.

5. What is one message about homeless LGBTQ youth you hope people take away from reading Kicked Out?

We are everywhere. There are a ton of people who wouldn’t even say they were kicked out, but who could not face the pain their parents inflicted upon them so they left. Parents: do not assume your child is going to be exactly what you want them to be.  Your expectations for their futures should be that they be happy and that you are part of that happiness. Children: Don’t grow bitter hating your parents. As stupid as it sounds, they had a hard choice and may not have known the consequences of their actions. Be honest with your parents. If there is one thing I have learned through all of this and from listening to others, it is that is you don’t tell people who you are, they won’t know.  If they don’t know, you can never be certain that they love you and you will never have the fulfillment and satisfaction of knowing.  Even if they choose not to accept you, the alternative of knowing and being able to deal with it is much preferable to the darkness and uncertainty of spending every holiday wondering if you are actually loved. Parents: One last note: you cannot love your child and reject a part of them, whatever your beliefs, whatever you try to tell yourself, telling your child that part of them is ugly or should be changed will only bring despair to all involved. Love your child sincerely. Be honest with them, but be very delicate. They experience abuse everywhere else in the world, when they experience it at home as well, their choices are only death, despair, or starting a new life.